I've wrote this blog probably a hundred times in my head and just couldn't find the courage to write it all out. I've been really feeling for months now that God wanted me to share my story, but I keep pushing it to the side. The other day I got in the car and this song came on called "My Story." As I listened to the words it gave me confidence to finally share my own. We all have a story to tell, and we have the choice to use it to help other people or not. I'm choosing to be open and honest in order to help someone else.
I have always had a huge passion for helping people and knew that whatever I did for a career would have to incorporate that. There are many options out there, but God laid it on my heart at an early age that I would be a role model and example for others on having a positive body image. It seemed crazy to me at the time, b/c as confident as I seemed on the outside, it was quite the opposite on the inside. From the time I was 12 years old I started dealing with a negative self image which led to eating disorders. I can't quite pinpoint why I started feeling that way. My parents always told me how beautiful I was, and I had a lot of friends and seemed to always have a boyfriend. I was active in sports and always up beat and outgoing. I had a really great life. No one knew at the time that deep down I hated the way I looked. I was always my worst critic and striving for this unrealistic perfection that I could just never reach. I had started starving myself thinking that that would help me feel better about myself, but all that did was make me feel guilty and mess up my metabolism. I didn't want to tell anyone what I was going through because I didn't think anyone would understand. I finally realized I couldn't keep starving myself, but the negative view of myself did not go away.
I ended up transfering to a Christian school for high school and being in a faith based atmosphere was just what I needed. I didn't deal with any eating disorders through my 4 years of high school (although again the negative view of myself was still there.) However once I graduated I just felt lost. The structure I had come to love over those last 4 years was gone and I didn't know what direction to take next. Thats when bulimia crept into my life. I felt very out of control of my life and that seemed to be something that I could control. I knew that is not how God wanted me to treat my body, but in those moments I just didn't care. I was 22 years old when I finally broke free of all eating disorders. 10 years of my life had gone by and I was constantly living this internal battle of accepting myself and loving myself the way I was.
I felt proud of myself that I had beat 2 eating disorders on my own, but those negative thoughts stayed with me for many years after. I moved to Los Angeles when I was 24 to pursue a career in acting. I remembered what God put on my heart long ago about being a positive role model for body image and I just knew deep down that was my purpose in life. I had gone through what I had so I could help other people. I knew if I was to make it "big" in Hollywood then I could reach hundreds of thousands of people. However I let my own negative thoughts get in my head. I was so homesick and when I found out that my mom was sick I immediately made the decision to give up that dream and move home. I don't regret that decision one bit b/c my family is the most important thing to me and I would give up anything to be there for them. But it left a huge hole in my life. I thought I had found my purpose in life, and now I just felt empty again. I let that emptiness eat me alive. You couldn't even mention California to me or I would start crying. I felt like a huge failure in life.
My negative body image issues only got worse in this time. I couldn't find a way to feel good about myself. I started feeling more insecure each and every day that went on. I would literally have a panic attack when I went to the doctor because I knew they were going to make me get on a scale and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It was around this time I finally told my mom about everything I had been through. She of course felt horrible and blamed herself even though I told her she did everything right. She loved me unconditionally and always encouraged me and lifted me up. My parents were both very active and present in my life. I had just gotten so good at hiding my problem that there is no way they could have known. After telling her everything it was like a huge weight was lifted off me. I now had someone praying for me about my negative body image-and let me tell you there is power in prayer!
Shortly after this I ended up getting pregnant with my son. I can still remember my husband and I jumping up and down, hugging and crying when we found out. We had been trying to get pregnant for a year and we could not have been more happy! But deep down even though I was beyond excited, I was also terrified of gaining weight. Not only would I have to gain weight, but I would have multiple doctors appointments where they would track my weight gain. Not exactly my idea of a good time. Once I was about half way into my pregnancy I remember seeing pictures of myself "pre-baby" and wishing I could look like that again. I almost immediately laughed at myself when I had that thought. I am actually wishing to be that weight again, and when I was actually that weight I hated the way I looked. That was a HUGE wake up call for me. Here I am at 27 years old, having dealt with a negative body image for now over half my life. I was so sick and tired of feeling that way! It hit me that there wouldn't be some magic number on the scale that would make me like myself. It was time I started treated myself better.
So what did I do? I prayed. I was getting ready to be a mother and knew I had a child on the way that was going to look up to me and depend on me and I was not about to waste another minute tearing myself down. So I accepted myself in that moment. I knew it was going to be a struggle after I had my baby to lose the weight. But I was going to commit to loving myself every step of the way. So that is what I did. I remember looking at my postpartum body a few weeks after having Greyson. I looked at myself and told myself "You are beautiful. You were created in the image of God and He loves you. I choose to love myself as well." I had a really rough pregnancy and in that moment I learned to love and appreciate my body for everything I had been through. I was not where I wanted to be, but my goal was to work hard to get HEALTHY. Not skinny. I wanted to be Healthy-body, mind and soul.
That was almost 2 years ago and I have officially lost 50lbs. The most important part to me though is that I did it in a healthy way and I loved myself every step of the way. It's ironic to me that I learned to love myself at my heaviest weight, but God definitely works in mysterious ways. I honestly feel like I have been healed. God truly healed me body, mind and soul and I am forever grateful! I look back at pictures when I was pregnant or right after having Greyson and the old me would have had some disgusted comment to make. I am not ashamed of where I have been and am so thankful God allowed me to go through all of this so I can come out on the other end a better and happier person.
A few months ago an opportunity fell in my lap. I had lost most of my baby weight, but needed a little push to continue my health and weight loss journey. My friend Maria had been posting her weight loss on her facebook page and she looked AMAZING! Not only that but I could just see her confidence shining through. She told me she was doing the 21 Day Fix through Beachbody and after researching about it I knew I had to give it a shot. I fell in love with the program and decided I should sign up to coach so I could get the awesome 25% discount! After signing up to coach and learning more about the opportunity, I literally started crying b/c I finally realized what kind of opportunity fell into my lap. My dreams of helping others have a positive body image were coming true. God was giving me a second chance at His purpose for my life. I am literally on cloud 9 even thinking about it. I know that what I went through was not for nothing. I am already helping people feel great about themselves and I have only been coaching for a few months.
So you may have seen my posts on social media and I hope now it makes a little more sense as to "why" I am doing this. If my posts can help even one person, then I feel blessed to be able to help them. If this blog can help even one person than it has all been worth it. Please feel free to share this post with anyone you think might be encouraged by it. If you are struggling with eating disorders or a negative body image I am here to tell you that you don't have to live your life with that negativity. You CAN break that cycle and learn to love and appreciate yourself. Life is too short to go around feeling bad about yourself. God created you in His image-and that is as beautiful as it gets! If anyone needs someone to talk to please contact me. You are not alone!
I pray that whoever reads this is blessed and encouraged in some way. Whatever your trials and tribulations are in life I encourage you to find a way to turn it into a positive.
Psalm 139:13-14 "For You created my inmost being, You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful. I know that full well."
Monday, September 21, 2015
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
"Fear not for I am with you"
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love and a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7
So the topic of "fear" has been on my heart a lot lately. We live in a world filled with stress and anxiety and I find it very hard to go through the week (maybe even day) without having a moment of panic. I am typically not one to walk around freaking out about things in life b/c I know without a doubt God has my back. But its something I have to remind myself every day. I feel like when I do start to worry its not about anything abnormal, usually its about every day stress that can effect anyone in life. But when I really think about fear in my life I realize its rooted very deeply in me. I can remember being afraid since the time I was a little girl.
When I was young I was TERRIFIED of the dark. I dont think many kids go through life not having this fear at some point. But why? I think for me it comes down to not being in control. In the dark you cant see....therefore if you cant see how can you protect yourself if the boogie man was to come in and get you?! (Ok so I never actually believed in the boogie man but you get my point.) I developed this sense of needing to be in control at a very young age. And thankfully had a mom and dad who let me sleep in their room until I was like 12 haha.
Fast forward to my Freshman year of high school and the death of a close friend of mine. His name is Joe and he tragically passed away in a car accident. It was such a crazy moment in my life and has effected me even to this day. I started having nightmares of people close to me dying. I was afraid for my mom to leave every day for work b/c I didnt know if that would be the last time I would see her. I have gotten a lot better with this fear, but it still lives inside of me. I am still very much afraid of losing people close to me and its something I worry about on a weekly basis. Once again this fear goes back to lack of control.
Senior year of high school. Of course everyone constantly asks you what your plans are for after high school. Pretty much "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Well I mean I had it all figured out so I didnt really mind the questions. I knew I was going to be a teacher, I knew who I was going to marry, I knew how many kids I was going to have, and when I was going to have them, and all of their names....and so on. I went so far as to write it all out on a piece of paper....like exact dates all of this stuff was happening. I couldnt help myself, I am a planner. Still to this day I love to plan things. But can we say CONTROL FREAK?! I look back now and laugh b/c essentially I was selling myself short. Not that the life I had planned out for myself was a bad life, it just was not the life God had in store for me. God taught me very quickly that HE was in control. However I still wanted control. I feared that I would not "be somebody" when I grew up. That I wouldnt do anything big in life or be used by God in a big way. I spent so much time worry about this stuff that I probably missed out on a lot of opportunities to be used by God right where I was. This is something I am still learning. To be in the moment and not always fearing on missing out on the future. No one is promised tomorrow and you truly have to take advantage of every moment you have.
I realized how much this effected my life when I was pregnant with Greyson. I found it so hard to know that I had absolutely no control over this beautiful miracle growing inside of my belly. I already loved him so much yet I couldnt do anything to protect him yet. I just knew once he was here and I could hold him myself he would be protected. What a dumb thought that was...I mean do you know how many germs and harmful things are out in this world?! It doesnt matter how tight I hold on to my son, something could still harm him. Again I had to let go of my control and give this to God. There are no better hands to be in. God taught me this by taking me on a 17 hour bus ride on a missions trip to New Orleans when I was 20 weeks pregnant. I almost backed out of going at one point. I couldnt raise all of the funds to go and I thought maybe God was telling me it would be too dangerous for me and my baby. I still had this overwhelming feeling though that I was supposed to be on this missions trip. So I prayed that if it was truly meant to be that I go, that God make a way...b/c we were 2 days away and I still had over half of my money to pay with no way of getting it. God showed me right then and there that miracles do happen. I got an email from my church saying they had given both me and Chris scholarships to go on the trip and would be paying the rest of our money! Wow such a blessing! So I went on the trip. And God revealed to me how much my needing to be in control and worrying was effecting my life. In a point in a womans life where its usually all about her and taking care of her baby and "taking it easy" God brought me to a place to bless other people. I wanted to bless other people but I started feeling guilty that I should be taking better care of my child. I mean one day for lunch they gave us lunch meat sandwhiches. LUNCH MEAT SANDWHICHES?! WHY DONT YOU JUST FEED ME AND MY UNBORN CHILD POISON?! I literally almost had an anxiety attack right there. Pregnant woman are not supposed to eat such things. But there is nothing else to eat. Whats a girl to do? So I took the lunchmeat off and just ate a cheese sandwhich while still freaking out about the fact that the lunch meat touched my sandwhich. So God and I had a talk right there. I basically said ok God you win. I can not be in control over every aspect of my life, and I dont want to be. You have made a way for me to come to this missions trip and I know that you will protect me and Greyson in the process. I then asked for some friends to pray for me and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders when I released that control to God.
As I look at my life right now, I have A LOT going on. I wish I could say I never worry a day in my life and everything is happy go lucky, sunshine and butterflies. But thats not the case. It seems like every time I turn around life is smacking me in the face with something. At least I am at a point where I can sense fear creeping into my life. And I am much better at giving things to God. At least I am trying. We always ask the question "Why do bad things happen to good people?" It really just doesnt seem fair. However I think the most honest answer to that is b/c we live in a bad world. This world is full of sin and evil...more than most of us even know or experience thankfully. This world is not the world God intended it to be. We truly made a mess of it. But thankfully with His grace and sacrifice by dying on the cross He has saved us. (Totally getting all sermony on you...the alter call is coming just wait for it...haha kidding). But its true, He died so that we can live. Life can really suck sometimes, things happen in our lives that are difficult. But God is with us every step of the way. We dont have to worry b/c God truly has our lives in His hands. He always makes a way so that we dont have to worry. He wants to carry us through these bad times, and let us be in peace knowing He is in control.
Basically I wanted to write this to encourage anyone who is dealing with their own fears and anxieties in their own lives. We all deal with them from time to time. I am taking a stand now that I will not live in fear, b/c that is not the life God wants me to live. I will live in peace knowing that I do not have to be in control. I do not have to worry about what tomorrow brings. I just have to show up every day with a loving heart and allow God to use me. He will provide and He will protect. So I right now let go of those fears that have consumed me from the time I was young. God did not give me a spirt of fear, but a spirit of POWER, LOVE and a SOUND MIND. Amen.
So the topic of "fear" has been on my heart a lot lately. We live in a world filled with stress and anxiety and I find it very hard to go through the week (maybe even day) without having a moment of panic. I am typically not one to walk around freaking out about things in life b/c I know without a doubt God has my back. But its something I have to remind myself every day. I feel like when I do start to worry its not about anything abnormal, usually its about every day stress that can effect anyone in life. But when I really think about fear in my life I realize its rooted very deeply in me. I can remember being afraid since the time I was a little girl.
When I was young I was TERRIFIED of the dark. I dont think many kids go through life not having this fear at some point. But why? I think for me it comes down to not being in control. In the dark you cant see....therefore if you cant see how can you protect yourself if the boogie man was to come in and get you?! (Ok so I never actually believed in the boogie man but you get my point.) I developed this sense of needing to be in control at a very young age. And thankfully had a mom and dad who let me sleep in their room until I was like 12 haha.
Fast forward to my Freshman year of high school and the death of a close friend of mine. His name is Joe and he tragically passed away in a car accident. It was such a crazy moment in my life and has effected me even to this day. I started having nightmares of people close to me dying. I was afraid for my mom to leave every day for work b/c I didnt know if that would be the last time I would see her. I have gotten a lot better with this fear, but it still lives inside of me. I am still very much afraid of losing people close to me and its something I worry about on a weekly basis. Once again this fear goes back to lack of control.
Senior year of high school. Of course everyone constantly asks you what your plans are for after high school. Pretty much "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Well I mean I had it all figured out so I didnt really mind the questions. I knew I was going to be a teacher, I knew who I was going to marry, I knew how many kids I was going to have, and when I was going to have them, and all of their names....and so on. I went so far as to write it all out on a piece of paper....like exact dates all of this stuff was happening. I couldnt help myself, I am a planner. Still to this day I love to plan things. But can we say CONTROL FREAK?! I look back now and laugh b/c essentially I was selling myself short. Not that the life I had planned out for myself was a bad life, it just was not the life God had in store for me. God taught me very quickly that HE was in control. However I still wanted control. I feared that I would not "be somebody" when I grew up. That I wouldnt do anything big in life or be used by God in a big way. I spent so much time worry about this stuff that I probably missed out on a lot of opportunities to be used by God right where I was. This is something I am still learning. To be in the moment and not always fearing on missing out on the future. No one is promised tomorrow and you truly have to take advantage of every moment you have.
I realized how much this effected my life when I was pregnant with Greyson. I found it so hard to know that I had absolutely no control over this beautiful miracle growing inside of my belly. I already loved him so much yet I couldnt do anything to protect him yet. I just knew once he was here and I could hold him myself he would be protected. What a dumb thought that was...I mean do you know how many germs and harmful things are out in this world?! It doesnt matter how tight I hold on to my son, something could still harm him. Again I had to let go of my control and give this to God. There are no better hands to be in. God taught me this by taking me on a 17 hour bus ride on a missions trip to New Orleans when I was 20 weeks pregnant. I almost backed out of going at one point. I couldnt raise all of the funds to go and I thought maybe God was telling me it would be too dangerous for me and my baby. I still had this overwhelming feeling though that I was supposed to be on this missions trip. So I prayed that if it was truly meant to be that I go, that God make a way...b/c we were 2 days away and I still had over half of my money to pay with no way of getting it. God showed me right then and there that miracles do happen. I got an email from my church saying they had given both me and Chris scholarships to go on the trip and would be paying the rest of our money! Wow such a blessing! So I went on the trip. And God revealed to me how much my needing to be in control and worrying was effecting my life. In a point in a womans life where its usually all about her and taking care of her baby and "taking it easy" God brought me to a place to bless other people. I wanted to bless other people but I started feeling guilty that I should be taking better care of my child. I mean one day for lunch they gave us lunch meat sandwhiches. LUNCH MEAT SANDWHICHES?! WHY DONT YOU JUST FEED ME AND MY UNBORN CHILD POISON?! I literally almost had an anxiety attack right there. Pregnant woman are not supposed to eat such things. But there is nothing else to eat. Whats a girl to do? So I took the lunchmeat off and just ate a cheese sandwhich while still freaking out about the fact that the lunch meat touched my sandwhich. So God and I had a talk right there. I basically said ok God you win. I can not be in control over every aspect of my life, and I dont want to be. You have made a way for me to come to this missions trip and I know that you will protect me and Greyson in the process. I then asked for some friends to pray for me and a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders when I released that control to God.
As I look at my life right now, I have A LOT going on. I wish I could say I never worry a day in my life and everything is happy go lucky, sunshine and butterflies. But thats not the case. It seems like every time I turn around life is smacking me in the face with something. At least I am at a point where I can sense fear creeping into my life. And I am much better at giving things to God. At least I am trying. We always ask the question "Why do bad things happen to good people?" It really just doesnt seem fair. However I think the most honest answer to that is b/c we live in a bad world. This world is full of sin and evil...more than most of us even know or experience thankfully. This world is not the world God intended it to be. We truly made a mess of it. But thankfully with His grace and sacrifice by dying on the cross He has saved us. (Totally getting all sermony on you...the alter call is coming just wait for it...haha kidding). But its true, He died so that we can live. Life can really suck sometimes, things happen in our lives that are difficult. But God is with us every step of the way. We dont have to worry b/c God truly has our lives in His hands. He always makes a way so that we dont have to worry. He wants to carry us through these bad times, and let us be in peace knowing He is in control.
Basically I wanted to write this to encourage anyone who is dealing with their own fears and anxieties in their own lives. We all deal with them from time to time. I am taking a stand now that I will not live in fear, b/c that is not the life God wants me to live. I will live in peace knowing that I do not have to be in control. I do not have to worry about what tomorrow brings. I just have to show up every day with a loving heart and allow God to use me. He will provide and He will protect. So I right now let go of those fears that have consumed me from the time I was young. God did not give me a spirt of fear, but a spirit of POWER, LOVE and a SOUND MIND. Amen.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Breast is best....except when its not...
And just like that my baby boy is almost 4 months old. Where did the time go?? Seems like just the other day I was sitting here writing my last blog post before Greyson was born. So much in my life has changed in these last 4 months. My life has become full of more love and joy than I could have ever imagined. Sometimes I will be holding Greyson and I will just start to cry while thinking of how much I love him. I am so thankful God blessed me with him and I just pray every day I can raise him to be a strong man of God. I have learned SO much in the past 4 months. Before having Greyson I felt prepared to become a mom. I have always had motherly instincts and I just felt I was going to transition into being a mom very smoothly. And I have to say for the most part I did. I loved Greyson from the moment I laid eyes on him. I felt the need to protect him from the moment I held him. However I would have to say the first month was definitely difficult. The first week was relatively easy minus the lack of sleep. But Greyson just slept or ate most of the time. He had latched on right away and breast feeding was going pretty well....or so I thought. After the first week all of a sudden Greyson went from this sleepy baby to crying ALL THE TIME. I went from feeling like I knew what I was doing to feeling completely helpless. I had a feeling I wasnt producing enough milk but all the research I did said that all woman worry about this but that you are producing enough and the doctors I talked to told me to "keep trying." So I did...Id even let Greyson eat for a whole hour. Which sucks when your baby wants to eat every two hours. What sucks even more is breastfeeding that long and your baby still acting hungry at the end. When he would cry I kept telling myself he just ate there is no way he could be hungry! But then instead of gaining weight he started losing weight (more than the original weight loss after leaving the hospital.) I felt so helpless. I was trying so hard to feed my baby and take care of him and provide for him like his mother is supposed to....and it just wasnt working. We finally started feeding him more formula and to my surprise he was eating 3oz of formula AFTER breast feeding. Thats beyond supplementing....thats showing that he wasnt getting much from me at all. Then I had a huge eye opener when my friend who just had a baby told me while pumping she would produce 4-5 ounces at a time. I was producing a whopping 1/2 ounce to 1 ounce at a time. OBVIOUSLY something was not right. I finally had to start using my own judgement and trust my own instincts. I really wanted to be able to breast feed but my babies happiness and health was way more important to me. And what do you know...after switching Greyson to formula and weaning off breast feeding he started gaining weight and stopped crying all the time. He turned into a happy baby right before my eyes. My poor little guy...I was practically starving him unknowingly! I felt horrible for that and also happy that I trusted my gut even though everything I read was telling me otherwise. I tell this story for 2 reasons. First I think its important for all women to know that its possible to not produce enough milk. Everything I read said otherwise, but even my Dr. told me that 5% of women dont produce enough (after I already made the decision to formula feed). I feel like there is a lot of pressure to breast feed and I really think its unfair. I for one really wanted to and planned on it....and I simply couldnt. Every woman is different, every baby is different and I for one am glad that I live in a world where there is another option available to me and my baby isnt going to starve! I will agree especially in the beginning "breast is best" but I dont think any woman should be judged for how they feed their baby. When I first started feeding Greyson formula I would try to hide it out in public...I didnt want people to think I was a bad mom for giving my child formula. How stupid is that?! I hate that our society has made women feel less of a mom if they have to use formula. Thankfully I took my emotions out of it and used my best judgement to do what was best for my child. I tell this story for another reason. I think its important to point out that God truly gives you a motherly instinct when you become a mom. I learned very quickly that I had to trust in God and trust that he would guide me and my motherly instinct to make the right decisions. Not only with the formula but pretty much in every area of Greysons life. I spent so much time those first few weeks looking up things online to make sure I was doing everything correctly. When really all that was was me worrying. Once I started trusting my instincts my life became so much easier and I was a better mom for it. We Co-slept with Greyson for 2 1/2 months (something I never thought I would do) and they tell you not to do that. But once again I had to trust my gut. And I now have a baby who sleeps through the night and has been the last two months. Before we co-slept with him he would only sleep a half hour at a time. Basically what I am trying to say to all moms (and dads too!) out there is do your research, make sure you know whats safe and whats not, and then TRUST YOURSELF. God designed you to have a motherly instinct and you need to go with that. Every mom is different and every baby is different. What works for one might not work for another. Dont judge others for how they parent their children. Instead of bringing other moms down we need to encourage each other. Its a hard job and we dont need to make it even harder on each other by expecting everyone to be "perfect." And I am in no one saying that my way of parenting is the right way for everyone or that I am a perfect parents so I hope its not coming across that way! I have definitely made mistakes as a parent but I am learning every day and not beating myself up about the mistakes I make. I know when I was going through all this with breast feeding I felt very much in the minority so I hope that this blog encourages someone who may be going through the same thing!
Monday, November 25, 2013
ALMOST THERE!
How far along? 39 1/2 weeks...only 4 days away from my due date!
Weight Gain:40 pounds...ahh! Thank God for Weight Watchers and the fact that they cater to breast feeding moms, I know I will be able to lose the weight in a healthy way! On a side note here is an announcement of things you should NOT say to a pregnant lady..."are you having twins?", "wow how many do you have in there?!", "wow thats a big belly!", "you are going to be huge!", "you look like miss piggy", "man how many months are you?!"....all of which have been said to me at some point during my pregnancy, most within the last week. I can promise you through my smile and polite laughter I was thinking of punching those people in the face haha.
Sleep:Whats this word you speak of?? Haha kidding...it could be worse. Actually I had the pleasure of taking a three hour nap today so I cant complain too much. Although heartburn is the devil, and I have actually woken up in my sleep throwing up...like seriously?! (I know gross sorry TMI)
Best moments this week: I had my last day of work yesterday which is really nice! So I guess I am officially on maternity leave. It will be nice to relax and prepare for Greyson's arrival!
What I miss:Not waddling around, and being a nice person...I have really not be pleasant lately (Sorry Chris!)
What I am looking forward to: Obviously I am just really excited to meet our baby. I dream about all the things I want to teach him and watching him grow. And mostly I just want to love on him. I also cant wait to see Chris hold him for the first time...that will be such a sweet moment. I am already in love with Chris and I know I am going to fall in love with him all over again by watching him become a dad :)
Milestones: Well I have almost made it to my due date....I really thought I was going to go early. But God constantly reminds me that He is in control and its better that way.
On that note, since this will probably be the last time I blog about this pregnancy I just want to say how truly blessed I feel to have the miracle of being pregnant. These past 9 1/2 months have taught me so much about myself. I honestly did not know how hard being pregnant was going to be. It has tested me in ways I couldnt have imagined and pushed me to be a better and stronger person. The first 5 months were tough with me being sick every single day. There were days where I was sick and had migraines and all I could do is sit in my room and cry b/c the pain was so bad. But then I would think about Greyson and I knew that I would go through whatever I had to go through in order for him to be a part of my family. It strengthened mine and Chris' relationship so much. He was by my side through all the sickness and did whatever he could to help me feel better. He encouraged me and thanked me for going through this and it will always mean so much to me to have him by my side. This last couple months were difficult as well with my scary car accident and being in the hospital, and then lasting injuries with my back that we cant take care of until after he is born. Situations like that remind you whats important in life, and teaches you that God is always in control and protecting you. I am thankful to be alive and thankful that God was taking care of Greyson through all of that. These last few weeks have definitely tested my patience. I am not a very patient person in general and I love to plan ahead for things. I have had to learn to be patient (and then re-learn it day after day). I am so close to meeting Greyson, and to be honest the anticipation is killing me! Not to mention thanks to my lovely pregnancy hormones I am pretty grumpy these days haha. I now know what others meant when they said by the end of your pregnancy you are just "done". I can definitely relate! However before I started writing this blog it hit me that I really need to soak in these last days to have Greyson in my belly. As of right now I have him all to myself....its just him and I and it wont be too long before I have to share him with the world. I wont get to feel him kick and move around in my belly anymore, or have the hiccups that make my whole stomach jump. And I will definitely miss those moments. Those moments will stay in my mind way more than the hard moments of being pregnant. I am thankful for the bad times and good times throughout this pregnancy and I know any day now everything will have all been worth it. I cant wait to meet Greyson and I feel so blessed to have so many people in his life that already love him!
Here are some pics from our Maternity shoot with Kelly at Daphne Photo Studio:
Cant wait to welcome the third member of TEAM HOOVER :)
Friday, November 1, 2013
36 weeks
How far along? 36 weeks today! Cant believe my baby boy will be here in 4 weeks or less (I refuse to believe he will come late...haha)
Weight Gain: Somewhere around 30 pounds...wont know for sure until my next dr. appt.
Sleep: depends on the night....some nights I sleep really well....other nights heartburn takes over and I cant sleep at all. Not to mention rolling over is getting harder and harder! This heavy baby is making that almost impossible to do haha I am sure I look pretty funny trying to roll over from one side to the other ;)
Food cravings:eww food just seems gross to me right now. There is no room in my belly for anything else and every time I eat I feel sick afterwards. BUT Greyson will be here before we know it so I am just pushing through day by day and counting down until I get to see him.
What I miss:I really miss being able to feel my hands!! I have such a bad case of carpel tunnel and its extremely painful! Everyone keeps telling me it will go away once he is born so I am really hoping that is the case!
What I am looking forward to:Obviously I am looking forward to meeting my baby! And this might sound weird but I am really looking forward to experiencing child birth. I mean I am not excited about the pain or anything but I just want to know what its like! You read so much about it and try to prepare and everyone tells you their own stories so I am just curious as to what my experience will be.
Milestones: Well I am officially 9 months pregnant and in my last month of pregnancy so I would say thats a huge milestone! Greyson is hitting big milestones now by gaining around a half a pound every week! If I go all the way to 40 weeks with him he I have a feeling he is going to be a big baby! Also we pretty much have everything ready to go with Greysons nursery. I have all his clothes washed and put away and we have his furniture up and ready to use! Now we just need a baby to go with it!
Pregnancy has been such an experience and I feel extremely blessed that God has given me Greyson as my son. I just pray that I can be patient over these next 4 weeks and not complain about every ache and pain and over all uncomfortable feelings that the last month brings. I cant wait to love on my baby boy!!
Here are some pics from the last few weeks:
*Me at 31 weeks
*My good friend Brittany had her baby Walker and I got to go down to Lexington and visit them! Brittany and I grew up together and we are so excited that our boys will get to grow up together too!
*Diaper cakes from my shower "A Star is Born". They have Greysons initials on them, so cute!!
*So my last shower had to be postponed due to the fact that I was in a bad car accident the night before and ended up having to be in the hospital while my shower was supposed to be going on. I was so upset but thankfully my friends were able to still have me the shower a few weeks later. I am thankful Greyson and I are okay and I am so blessed to have so many great friends in my life!
*I officially cant see my feet anymore....haha!
*34 weeks...and running out of room!
*35 weeks....almost there!
Weight Gain: Somewhere around 30 pounds...wont know for sure until my next dr. appt.
Sleep: depends on the night....some nights I sleep really well....other nights heartburn takes over and I cant sleep at all. Not to mention rolling over is getting harder and harder! This heavy baby is making that almost impossible to do haha I am sure I look pretty funny trying to roll over from one side to the other ;)
Best moments this week: Last week we got to see Greyson on another ultrasound and just seeing how big he was from our last ultrasound made me so excited. He weighed in at 5.5 pounds and his cute little nose was squished up against my belly haha :) I sure hope his nose is okay! I am pretty sure he is trying to get out of my belly he is just not sure where the exit is yet. As of right now he is trying to get out of my side and you can see him push on my side over and over its pretty cute. Sometimes when he pushes his foot out to my side I just hold his little foot in my hand and rub it...cant wait to hold him in my arms!! Also another best moment is that my best friend Erin had her baby girl Leighton, I cant wait to meet her she is so adorable!
What I miss:I really miss being able to feel my hands!! I have such a bad case of carpel tunnel and its extremely painful! Everyone keeps telling me it will go away once he is born so I am really hoping that is the case!
What I am looking forward to:Obviously I am looking forward to meeting my baby! And this might sound weird but I am really looking forward to experiencing child birth. I mean I am not excited about the pain or anything but I just want to know what its like! You read so much about it and try to prepare and everyone tells you their own stories so I am just curious as to what my experience will be.
Milestones: Well I am officially 9 months pregnant and in my last month of pregnancy so I would say thats a huge milestone! Greyson is hitting big milestones now by gaining around a half a pound every week! If I go all the way to 40 weeks with him he I have a feeling he is going to be a big baby! Also we pretty much have everything ready to go with Greysons nursery. I have all his clothes washed and put away and we have his furniture up and ready to use! Now we just need a baby to go with it!
Pregnancy has been such an experience and I feel extremely blessed that God has given me Greyson as my son. I just pray that I can be patient over these next 4 weeks and not complain about every ache and pain and over all uncomfortable feelings that the last month brings. I cant wait to love on my baby boy!!
Here are some pics from the last few weeks:
*Me at 31 weeks
*I officially cant see my feet anymore....haha!
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
28 1/2 weeks
How far along? I am 28 1/2 weeks...only 11 1/2 more to go! (But whose counting...haha)
Weight Gain: 25 pounds....I guess I am happy though that I am mostly "all belly"...I'm sure it wont stay that way haha
Sleep: I've bragged too much in my past posts about all the wonderful sleep I have been getting....its starting to go downhill. But mainly its b/c I have been sick with a double ear infection, bad sinus infection and I'm pretty sure I have bronchitis...fun times!
Best moments this week: We got to see our baby boy in 4D and that was so much fun! I always think that baby's look so weird in those pictures...and I'm not going to lie Greyson looked weird in some of them. But whenever the baby moves a lot in 4D the pictures get distorted. So luckily we were able to capture some really cute pictures (when he wasnt covering his face). It was fun to get a little glimpse into what he looks like. He definitely needs to fatten up some (he can use some of my 25 pounds I dont mind....haha). We also got it all on DVD and I've watched it like 5 times already. There are times where you can see him sucking on his thumb, stretching, swallowing, smiling, opening his eyes. Hes a busy little guy in my belly!
What I miss:I miss being able to move around a little smoother....its work trying to get up sometimes haha. I also miss being able to breath normally....with a baby crowding my space and this sickness its been challenging!
What I am looking forward to: Well I have two showers coming up which I am so exciting about! My assistant coach and Senior cheerleaders are having me a shower this weekend, and my best friend Erin is having me one the weekend after. Greyson is truly blessed with so many people that love him already! One thing I am NOT looking forward to is my 3 hour glucose test on Friday...thats right I failed my 1 hours test :( I blame the cough medicine I took the day before I took my test...I didnt realize one of the ingredients was "high fructose corn syrup"....oops!
Milestones: I guess a milestone would be being in my third trimester! I'm definitely more tired, and there are some not so fun symptoms in the third trimester, but that just means I am so close to getting to meet my baby! Only about 79 more days!!
Here are some pics from the last few weeks!
My mom and niece Kali had me a shower a couple weeks ago and I had so much fun! So much thought and planning went into it and it turned out perfect! We got a lot of great gifts and we feel so blessed by everyones generosity!
Me at 26 1/2 weeks
"Do not open until November 29th 2013"
Me and my beautiful mom after my shower. I am so lucky to have her in my life. She put so much thought into my shower and worked hard to make it perfect. Greyson is so lucky to have her as his Grammy b/c she is going to love him so much (and I'm sure spoil him too haha)
Greyson Christopher Hoover at 28 weeks....most precious face I have ever seen in my life <3 br="">
Friday, August 2, 2013
23 weeks
Heres a little baby update!
How far along? 23 weeks today! Only about 17 more to go until I get to hold Greyson!
Weight Gain: Not sure I will find out at my next doctors appointment Monday. I can honestly say that I love my pregnancy body though so I honestly dont care at this point what I have gained as long as I am healthy and so is Greyson. Since the time I was about 12 years old I have had some serious struggles with body image. I really never learned to appreciate my body until becoming pregnant. You go through so much change and its amazing to me what a womans body can adapt to. I have never felt this confident about my body before and I really believe God has used Greyson to help me heal of my insecurities and body image issues. God truly works in mysterious and amazing ways!
Sleep: I feel very lucky in this area. I have not had many problems so far sleeping. I am sure it will get harder the farther along I get but for now I will just enjoy the fact that I'm able to sleep well!
Food cravings: Nothing specific really. I have had a bit of a sweet tooth lately but nothing specific comes to mind.
What I miss: Having a worry and care free attitude. God is really working on me with this. Ever since being pregnant I have been worrying like crazy. Its so difficult to love something so much, but not have any control over what happens. But I know through this process God is teaching me to truly place my trust in Him. I cant control everything and I dont want to! I would much rather God be in control than myself.
What I am looking forward to: I have three baby showers coming up in about a month and I am so excited! The first will be my family shower and it will be so much fun to have mine and Chris' family together to celebrate Greyson. I am also having a shower with my friends and my cheerleaders are having me one. I am going to have one spoiled baby!!
Milestones: I think its so cute that Greyson's sense of hearing has developed. I can tell when he hears stuff going on b/c he starts moving like crazy. After the Justin Bieber concert he was dancing all night haha. And everytime at cheer camp when the camp would start cheering, he would start moving around. It was so cute!!
July was crazy busy for me between my missions trip and cheer camp. So here are so pictures of the past few weeks of mine and Greyson's adventures!
**Cousin Kali giving Greyson kisses! She is going to be such a good cousin to him, she already loves him so much.
**Baby Greyson at 20 weeks. It was hard to get a clear picture b/c he was moving around so much. I am already so in love with him and could stare at his pictures all day long.
**We went to the Justin Bieber concert and I made shirts for my nieces, me and my mom. Kali and Addies said "True Belieber", my moms said "Grammy Belieber" and then this is the shirt I wore. Greyson will probably hate this picture one day hahaha.
**Me at about 21weeks. My belly was really popping out that day so I just had to snap some pictures!
**My gross swollen feet after a 17 hour bus ride to my missions trip in New Orleans. This wasnt even as bad as they got! I think I gave cankles a new meaning hahaha.
**Me and three of my beautiful prego friends. We all went to Ruths Chris for dinner and had a prego girls night out haha. We are all due within a month of each other! Erin is first with her due date being November 5th, then me at November 29th, Caitlin at December 5th and Emily December 10th. (I think I got all those dates right...) It will be so fun for our kids to be so close in age!! I also have 3 more of my close friends that are pregnant right now! New babies will be everywhere here in a couple months!
**22 weeks
**Me and Jennifer, my assistant coach, at cheer camp!
**I am so lucky to have Jennifer coaching with me! She took care of me all week :)
**Me and my seniors at cheer camp! Cant believe this group of girls are Seniors already. They grew up way too fast!!
I have to take this moment and brag about my cheerleaders for a second. I am so proud to be coaching such a great group of girls. They went into camp having to take a few steps back b/c we had no experienced flyers on Varsity. And most of JV was new to the squad and some had never stunted. They all pulled together and worked as a team to be able to learn stunts and perfect their routines. Both squads won safety ribbons (not dropping anyone), both got blue ribbons (the best you can get) on both of their evalutions and both squads got spirit sticks every day. My Varsity won most spirited on the first day, and won most spirited of the entire camp on the final day. One of my Varsity girls was even invited to be on FCC Staff next year which is a huge honor. Both squads bonded and grew spiritually and I am very excited to get this season started. I am so blessed to get to coach these amazing girls!!
How far along? 23 weeks today! Only about 17 more to go until I get to hold Greyson!
Weight Gain: Not sure I will find out at my next doctors appointment Monday. I can honestly say that I love my pregnancy body though so I honestly dont care at this point what I have gained as long as I am healthy and so is Greyson. Since the time I was about 12 years old I have had some serious struggles with body image. I really never learned to appreciate my body until becoming pregnant. You go through so much change and its amazing to me what a womans body can adapt to. I have never felt this confident about my body before and I really believe God has used Greyson to help me heal of my insecurities and body image issues. God truly works in mysterious and amazing ways!
Sleep: I feel very lucky in this area. I have not had many problems so far sleeping. I am sure it will get harder the farther along I get but for now I will just enjoy the fact that I'm able to sleep well!
Best moments this week: Well as of last night Chris finally felt the baby kick! This past week his kicks were getting stronger but I wasnt with Chris b/c I was away at cheer camp. Last night he was talking to Greyson and then Greyson kicked him haha. It was so cute and I loved seeing the expression on Chris' face. I can tell Greyson missed his daddy while we were away this week! Also today I actually saw my belly move when he kicked which was so funny and exciting to see!
What I miss: Having a worry and care free attitude. God is really working on me with this. Ever since being pregnant I have been worrying like crazy. Its so difficult to love something so much, but not have any control over what happens. But I know through this process God is teaching me to truly place my trust in Him. I cant control everything and I dont want to! I would much rather God be in control than myself.
What I am looking forward to: I have three baby showers coming up in about a month and I am so excited! The first will be my family shower and it will be so much fun to have mine and Chris' family together to celebrate Greyson. I am also having a shower with my friends and my cheerleaders are having me one. I am going to have one spoiled baby!!
Milestones: I think its so cute that Greyson's sense of hearing has developed. I can tell when he hears stuff going on b/c he starts moving like crazy. After the Justin Bieber concert he was dancing all night haha. And everytime at cheer camp when the camp would start cheering, he would start moving around. It was so cute!!
July was crazy busy for me between my missions trip and cheer camp. So here are so pictures of the past few weeks of mine and Greyson's adventures!
**Me and my seniors at cheer camp! Cant believe this group of girls are Seniors already. They grew up way too fast!!
I have to take this moment and brag about my cheerleaders for a second. I am so proud to be coaching such a great group of girls. They went into camp having to take a few steps back b/c we had no experienced flyers on Varsity. And most of JV was new to the squad and some had never stunted. They all pulled together and worked as a team to be able to learn stunts and perfect their routines. Both squads won safety ribbons (not dropping anyone), both got blue ribbons (the best you can get) on both of their evalutions and both squads got spirit sticks every day. My Varsity won most spirited on the first day, and won most spirited of the entire camp on the final day. One of my Varsity girls was even invited to be on FCC Staff next year which is a huge honor. Both squads bonded and grew spiritually and I am very excited to get this season started. I am so blessed to get to coach these amazing girls!!
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